A Letter to EA

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It took me more than twelve years to have the guts to call it quits. I endured 12 fucking long years! That long huh? Needless to say, I tried. I really did. I gave you more than enough chances to make up for all your shortcomings. I forgave you even if it was too much to bear. I turned my head, deafly, blindly and embraced who you are and everything about you. I thought I can do it forever. It was wrong to believe that love will keep us together, that love will substitute everything in between, that it can fill the gap and the emptiness.

So starting today, you should direct all your energies to your children. I cannot compete anymore although I never really dared to try it. I’m setting you free. No grudges. Swear! I’m letting you go. I’m moving on and leaving everything behind. I’m sorry if I sound so cold. But right now, this is all I’ve got, a numbness, an indifference and probably a coldness that you can never blame me. You brought these feelings out of me.

As much as I wanted to keep you sane and happy, as much as I want to support you all through out, I can’t anymore because I realized I have myself to think first. I need to love and take good care of myself now more than ever. As crazy as this can be, I still feel scared and confused sometimes. The stigma of this relationship on me will forever be imprinted on me. I don’t really care for as long as it doesn’t hamper my happiness. People can judge all they want. So be it. I deserve this anyway. Let them savor it.

There is no need to elaborate more on my flaws and faults because none of them matter now. I do know I made some mistakes too. I am sorry for that. I hope you forgive me the way I did.

I suggest we stop talking or running into one another and live our lives separately. Maybe someday we can be friends again. But for now, let’s both learn to live peacefully on our own. Don’t ask questions about me from our friends. Don’t answer questions about me either. Believe me it would be easier to move on if you don’t know a thing. I’ve turned off the tracking app in my phone so you won’t have to waste money inquiring my whereabouts.

No need to worry. I am more than capable changing the light bulbs when they don’t light. I won’t call you crying when something breaks in the house. I promise. I can do the fixing on my own. I can throw my garbage too. I can clean my appliances when they need dusting. I can eat on my own like what I have been doing all these years when you fail to arrive on time or when something came up and you need to cancel our date or break your promise.

No need to explain to others why you don’t know a thing about me. You can always choose to ignore them. And I would understand if you ignore me too. Please understand also if I do the same. Treat each other indifferently.

And before the year ends, I will move out of this house because your memories linger here. Isn’t that funny? I live here and you never did but this house is all you. Must be because you chose this house for me. You were with me every step of the way when I decided to live independently. We sort of planned our lives here. Hoping we’d get that far.

I will always be grateful for all the things you taught me. Thank you for always believing in me, for making me brave when I’m too scared to do a thing. Thank you for always making me feel beautiful and special. Thank you for listening, for being a shoulder to cry on, for being my bestfriend. Thank you for all the good, happy and better days. I learned a lot. Thank you and goodbye.

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