Welcome 2015!

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2014 is one challenging year. Until the very end, I am still conquering time and trying to meet the impossible but I have no right to complain. My blessings are outpouring throughout the year. There may have been snags and pain but not enough to break my spirit. Nothing comes easy. Behind the hardships there are beautiful memories worth remembering each day. There are experiences that I faced myself and never regretted because I acquired learnings.

I took part on three beautiful shows in 2014: Rhodora X, My Destiny and soon to air Once Upon A Kiss. Jennylyn Mercado was a revelation. The efforts she and the other cast gave to the show were overwhelming. They were very supportive until the final day. I could not deny the chemistry of Mark and Jen as well as Tom and Carla. My first out of the country shoot happened in Singapore for My Destiny. Bb. Joyce Bernal remains to be one of the most grounded and down to earth director. I am in awe with her ideas in My Destiny. Working with her again in Once Upon A Kiss was a blessing. I look forward to seeing our show on air this year.

I finally conquered Sagada and Banaue Rice Terraces. It was the most memorable out of town trip this year followed by Baler and Cebu City.

I made new friends and lost some along the way but nonetheless I remained hopeful. I had to let go of some people as much as it pains me to see them go.

Let me thank you all for being a part of my 2014. This year will never be awesome without you all.

To my family, thank you for the unconditional love, patience and understanding. My brother got married and we gained an instant family member. It was the best decision he made and we were there to support him. My parents made time to be there and set aside their differences.

To my friends, thank you for keeping me sane and happy, thank you for being my distraction when life gets tough. It gets easier each day when you know you have friends to lean on.

To everyone at work, I love you all and I am so grateful to have you around. If I fail to notice your hardwork or show my appreciation, I apologize. Forgive me if I may have been cruel to you at some point. Know that I regret every harsh words that I had to say. Understand that we aim for the best always so please bear with me and continue to do good. Take every criticisms as a challenge to do better. Rest assured that I don’t keep grudges. Let’s pray for high ratings and more shows this year.

All the best in 2015! May the coming year bring us more love, prosperity, peace and happiness!!! Cheers to good health and long life! Happy New Year!❤️

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Fear

I am sitting inside a dance studio, listening to an acting coach give a talk to a group of actors. I am not a part of this workshop. Sadly, I cannot act but I love watching people act. It is my job! I came here today to observe and listen and somehow get a grip on the people I am going to work with.

As much as I wanted to listen intently, I find myself thinking something else. I worry too much and sometimes I dread thinking the worst. I wanted to stay home but I will feel guilty knowing my staff are working. I may end up worrying.

When you lead a team, it’s a must that you are in control no matter how confusing the situations are. The decisions that lies in my hand are often too scary to do but I have learned to toughen myself and take the risks. Though there are moments that I need to pretend I am in command. The truth is, there are times that I really am unaware of what to do next. I still grope regardless of expertise and experience.

Every time I feel scared, I look back to the days when I was struggling to get into this network. I try to remember how I was when I landed my first job, my first show and miraculously I would feel more determined and confident to make decisions.

I want to think that fear is something you can control, something you can distort to your advantage or something you can defeat if only I can do anything without being scared. Apparently, I have avoided doing some things because of fear. I chose to conquer fear when it comes to work but not when it comes to pleasure and recreation. I do not get the point of riding a roller coaster or jumping down in a building. Riding a roller coaster in Hongkong only escalated or probably triggered my fear of heights. I am working hard to get over that experience and feel normal when I see a roller coaster. I am glad that I tried zip line and sky walk. Peer pressure helps sometimes.

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Photo courtesy of Crown Regency Hotel.

Losing Patience

I pray to have more courage, more patience and more understanding. I pray to have more faith not only to myself but to everyone around me. I seek forgiveness for all the ill thoughts that I have. I apologize for the hurtful things I say. I try as much as I can to never break my silence but like any other people, I find it futile to be indifferent. Aggression and hostility are two intensifying feelings that seem to cloud each day. Hypocrisy will never be my thing. If at some point, I have come to ignore you as a person and avoided looking at you, I think it’s a cue that I have had enough and I do not want to take any more shit from you or from anyone. How many chances do I owe you? Until when do I need to take all these? What I don’t understand is how can you be around people when you’re selfish? How do you go about stepping on other people? So please be considerate. Be kind. Be mindful of the feelings of others. How would you feel if you were in their shoes? How would you feel if we reversed roles? Karma is a bitch. I always believe in it. Don’t expect pity from me because I will certainly laugh at you when karma strikes.

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